The drama really got kickin' on this week's episode of The Bachelorette. Despite Deanna Pappas's opinion that Jillian's season is "boring," we politely disagree. That statement among others will be covered in a later post - let's just say some of the DC Bachelor Fans met Ms. Pappas and she is just as self-important and smug in person as she was on the show. Narcissistic former Bachelorettes aside, let's move on to dissecting this week's episode! I'd like to hand out a few awards to the Bachelors:
Worst Attempted Pick-Up Line: Jillian. Her statement to Kiptyn that all he needs to do is "look in a mirror" to see the type of looks she likes in a guy was kind of bush league. And Jill, if what you really desire in a man are huge Dumbo stick-out ears, then I guess Kiptyn and Tanner P. will be the final two. Yikes. Let's leave the pickup lines to the men and you just keep being your sweet little kissing slut self.
Worst Appearance of a Newsboy Cap: Jesse. Despite his attempt to channel Christian Bale's character (Jack Kelly) in Disney's 1992 musical smash "Newsies," I still think Jesse is entirely crushable. But one more stint with a newsboy cap and I'm going to have to start questioning his sexuality. Admittedly, I don't think there's a whole lot to choose from out on those vineyards in the middle of nowhere other than sweaty fieldhands, so perhaps I'm not too far off base here... Then again, his kiss with Jill on the yacht looked very enjoyable - the DC Bachelor Fans agree that so far this season that kiss has been the least cringe-worthy (for some reason I can't stand watching the makeouts on this show and ususally end up closing my eyes or hiding behind a pillow, but this one I watched with eyes wide open). I will continue to hold out hope for Jesse and Jilly.
Most Likely To Make a Comeback: Michael. Michael seemed to be the only guy who actually cared that Jillian was on the curling date. Everyone else was too absorbed in shit-talking and endzone dancing to care that she was standing right there! Michael was the only one to take advantage of her presence by repeatedly hugging her because she was "cold..." I guess that's what happens when you wear ass-hugging spandex to the ice rink?
Most Egregious Overstatement: Jake. He had this to say about their one-on-one date: "It made my year, it made my life." Ok, Mr. Perfect. We get it. You think you're perfect and you have to drive home that sentiment with being all sensitive and overly stating how you feel about Jillian after knowing her for TWO WEEKS. Give the perfect act a rest and do something like fart or pick your nose in front of Jilli; maybe then she will actually end up liking you! A holier-than-thou attitude will get you nowhere with this feisty Canuck.
Dumbest Statement: Mike. "This is like a one-on-one date just split in half." No shit. That's why it's called a two-on-one date, you moron. No wonder she sent you packing in a gondola... and not a moment too soon (see below).
First Drop of the L-Word: Mike. Before he is sent packing, Jimmy Bagadonuts claims that he is "falling in love with Jillian." And it begins. I think episode 4 is a little early for this word to be tossed about, but someone had to be the first one! Jimmy, there are plenty of infintely classy ladies back on The Island who I am sure would be overjoyed to have you and your perfectly quaffed hair say this about them. Best of luck, sir.
Funniest Wes-Bash of the Night: Ed. Ed's statement that Wes is a "country singin' turd" is just another reason why we love this guy. It almost forgives his borderline douchey question earlier on in the episode about whether or not the hotel has a hottub...
Noblest Self-Destruction: Tanner P. For everything we've said about Tanner P. and his disgusting toe sucking obsession, I think that he really did Jill a favor by telling her that some guys have girlfriends. He knows he isn't going to be the last man standing, and he is just trying to help a sister out! Which I am sure he has already begun to regret after what seemed like an hour-long standoff at the rose ceremony, only to be followed with Jillian's Spanish Inquisition that will take place on a snowmobile on next week's episode. Good deeds never go unpunished, do they?
Best Impression of a Private Investigator: Chris Harrison. Chris's statement that they will "get to the bottom of this" girlfriend situation was priceless. And according to his blog entry this week, Chris was good and pissed off for Jill after this bomb was dropped at the cocktail party. Chris really is the master at making awkward situations even more awkward... who can forget "Who else here has a problem with Meghan?" from Jason's season? We love you Chris! Keep it coming!!
Worst Attempted Pick-Up Line: Jillian. Her statement to Kiptyn that all he needs to do is "look in a mirror" to see the type of looks she likes in a guy was kind of bush league. And Jill, if what you really desire in a man are huge Dumbo stick-out ears, then I guess Kiptyn and Tanner P. will be the final two. Yikes. Let's leave the pickup lines to the men and you just keep being your sweet little kissing slut self.
Worst Appearance of a Newsboy Cap: Jesse. Despite his attempt to channel Christian Bale's character (Jack Kelly) in Disney's 1992 musical smash "Newsies," I still think Jesse is entirely crushable. But one more stint with a newsboy cap and I'm going to have to start questioning his sexuality. Admittedly, I don't think there's a whole lot to choose from out on those vineyards in the middle of nowhere other than sweaty fieldhands, so perhaps I'm not too far off base here... Then again, his kiss with Jill on the yacht looked very enjoyable - the DC Bachelor Fans agree that so far this season that kiss has been the least cringe-worthy (for some reason I can't stand watching the makeouts on this show and ususally end up closing my eyes or hiding behind a pillow, but this one I watched with eyes wide open). I will continue to hold out hope for Jesse and Jilly.
Most Likely To Make a Comeback: Michael. Michael seemed to be the only guy who actually cared that Jillian was on the curling date. Everyone else was too absorbed in shit-talking and endzone dancing to care that she was standing right there! Michael was the only one to take advantage of her presence by repeatedly hugging her because she was "cold..." I guess that's what happens when you wear ass-hugging spandex to the ice rink?
Most Egregious Overstatement: Jake. He had this to say about their one-on-one date: "It made my year, it made my life." Ok, Mr. Perfect. We get it. You think you're perfect and you have to drive home that sentiment with being all sensitive and overly stating how you feel about Jillian after knowing her for TWO WEEKS. Give the perfect act a rest and do something like fart or pick your nose in front of Jilli; maybe then she will actually end up liking you! A holier-than-thou attitude will get you nowhere with this feisty Canuck.
Dumbest Statement: Mike. "This is like a one-on-one date just split in half." No shit. That's why it's called a two-on-one date, you moron. No wonder she sent you packing in a gondola... and not a moment too soon (see below).
First Drop of the L-Word: Mike. Before he is sent packing, Jimmy Bagadonuts claims that he is "falling in love with Jillian." And it begins. I think episode 4 is a little early for this word to be tossed about, but someone had to be the first one! Jimmy, there are plenty of infintely classy ladies back on The Island who I am sure would be overjoyed to have you and your perfectly quaffed hair say this about them. Best of luck, sir.
Funniest Wes-Bash of the Night: Ed. Ed's statement that Wes is a "country singin' turd" is just another reason why we love this guy. It almost forgives his borderline douchey question earlier on in the episode about whether or not the hotel has a hottub...
Noblest Self-Destruction: Tanner P. For everything we've said about Tanner P. and his disgusting toe sucking obsession, I think that he really did Jill a favor by telling her that some guys have girlfriends. He knows he isn't going to be the last man standing, and he is just trying to help a sister out! Which I am sure he has already begun to regret after what seemed like an hour-long standoff at the rose ceremony, only to be followed with Jillian's Spanish Inquisition that will take place on a snowmobile on next week's episode. Good deeds never go unpunished, do they?
Best Impression of a Private Investigator: Chris Harrison. Chris's statement that they will "get to the bottom of this" girlfriend situation was priceless. And according to his blog entry this week, Chris was good and pissed off for Jill after this bomb was dropped at the cocktail party. Chris really is the master at making awkward situations even more awkward... who can forget "Who else here has a problem with Meghan?" from Jason's season? We love you Chris! Keep it coming!!
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You guys are great! Two things -- first, I thought Ed's little quip about the hot tub was hilarious. Why do you think it was borderline douchey? Just curious. Second, PLEASE expand on the Deanna thing! What happened? I agree with you that Deanna did seem a little self-important last season, but I still enjoyed her season more than I am enjoying this one.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading! We are pretty sure Jillian is sick of the hot tub jokes (I certainly would be), and we wouldn't want something stupid like that to come in between she and Ed. I am sure he is funny enough without having to dip into hot tub jokes. Let's leave those to men who are hung like a light switch. And I will have to leave expanding on the Deanna thing to my trusty co-writer DCBachelorFan, she is slacking in her duties...
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