One more thing...

All I know is that when this season is over, I hope I never have to see anyone that can be connected back to Brad Wommack with 6 degrees of separation. Please, producers, we love the drama. We love the cliffhangers. We even love Chris Harrison promising every season that this is the "most intense rose ceremony ever." But please do not give us Jake, Tanner P., or Michael as our next Bachelor. If, and only if, you have to choose someone from this past season as our next Bachelor, please let it be David. I swear at the end of that season, Chris Harrison will finally know the meaning of "most intense."

The moment we've all been waiting for...

Ladies and gentlemen, tonight is the night we have all been waiting for. Will it be Kiptyn? Ed? Or will the Bachelor pull one over on us and have it be Reid? As I reflect back on the past few seasons, the Bachelor producers have gotten sneakier and sneakier about saving some major drama for the last episode. Don't get me wrong, we appreciate the cliffhanger shown episode #1 which keeps us guessing all season long. Why else would we have dubbed our blog "the most intense rose ceremony ever"? Nothing quite beats Chris Harrison's voice over during the scenes from next week where he lets us know (just in case we could have possibly forgotten) that we shouldn't miss what's about to happen next. Yes, nothing keeps us on the edge of our seats more than this Bachelor drama but I have to wonder, what other tricks can these producers have up their sleeves? I mean, just as we thought we've seen it all, we are once again bamboozled.

Let me count down my top 5 moments of Bachelor shock:

5. Travis Stork picks Sarah but doesn't propose and instead gives her the ring to wear around her neck!
4. Jen Schefft declines Jerry's proposal on After the Final Rose!
3. Jason dumps Melissa on After the Final Rose for Molly!
2. Brad Wommack chooses nobody!
1. Jillian forgoes a future with Ed for Reid? Just a prediction...I guess only time -- and the clever Bachelor producers -- will tell.

Calling All Philadelphians...

Don't tell him I sent you, but if you want to get in touch with Reid, feel free to reach out here. I think making an appointment to see a house, showing up looking sexy, managing not to let out a high-pitched squeal, and then casually dropping that you're Jewish should do the trick. Let me know how it works out.

Ding Dong! The Wes is Gone. Which old Wes? The Wicked Wes!

Holy hell you guys, I feel like I need to take a shower after last night and Wes's departure. Obviously I am happier than, to use a Texas saying, "a pig in shit" that Wes is gone. But Jillian and Wes's date, his comments at the rose ceremony and his farewell limo ride made me feel physically dirty. I would like to hope, if I were the Bachelorette and I asked a guy how we would make it work if we ended up together, and his answer was "that bird has no foot" while staring off, that I would kick him in his self-righteous Texan head. I have nothing against Texas by any means, but Wes has done your state a disservice, my southerly friends. And you know who else is absolutely disgusting? His girlfriend Laurel and his ENTIRE family that pretended like he didn't have a girlfriend just to get him some publicity. Absolutely loathsome and abhorrent and all those other words in the thesaurus that describe Wes and everything about him. I hope no one out there buys his stupid album. And I also hope that he gets sued by ABC for breach of contract and they take every little cent his ridiculous album may make him. And then he'll not only be famous in Chihuahua, Mexico, but he'll have to move there.

Look at this priceless picture of Reid's face as Wes is saying he's going to go home and "have a lot of sex:"

What in the FUCK?!

I was seriously hoping that one of the guys was going to punch Wes in the throat as he stopped to hug all of them before he departed. But I guess the fact that none of them did shows how classy the remaining three gentlemen really are. I don't know if I would have been able to stop myself from at lest backhanding Westicles across his "love don't come eaaaasssyyyyy" mouth. Anywho, thank God he is gone. And that's all I'll say about that.

Other random thoughts from this episode:

Jillian, in her voice over before her date with Kiptyn, says that sometimes she thinks Kiptyn is out of her league. Come on. I don't have anything against Kiptyn per se, but he is definitely my least favorite out of the remaining three. Not to mention I think of this Separated at Birth every time I think of Kiptyn:

Kiptyn and Dumbo

Ed - You are still my favorite. But if we ever got together (and I think we could make it work, call me!), we would have a serious rift in our marriage for about half the year. The. Cubs. SUCK!!! Do you hear me?! They are terrible and I can't believe you are a Cubs fan. But still, call me.

1908 was a really long-ass time ago, Eddie.

Finally, has anyone ever thought that the music playing in the background whenever the two are discussing the fantasy suite isn't exactly fitting? All of the veiled references to doing the horizontal tango really make me uncomfortable. I mean, if that's what they are implying with the fantasy suite card, why don't they just make it obvious? The music should fit with the mood of the scene - less violins and flutes and more bow chick a bow wow... right?

That's all for this week! I will be out of the country, blissfully laying on the beach come next week's episode. So hopefully my fellow blogettes can fill in during my absence!

Not Even Remotely Identical

Hometown dates have always been my favorite-- mostly because the moms, dads, and crazy boxer wielding grannies only get --literally-- 15 minutes of fame. But they usually use this time wisely and manage to make quite the impression. This year was a bit tamer than usual; the families are less protective of the boys so less threats occur, but that's ok by me… there's enough drama on this season already. Watching this year's crop of families, it struck me how much you can tell about a guy from his siblings… and here's what they had to say this week:

Ed: Ok, we didn't get to meet Ed's family. This was the most depressing thing about this episode (Yes, even more depressing than having Jillian tell Kiptyn's mom that she makes it hard for herself to be happy, then demonstrating exactly what she means by keeping Wes around, again….) I'm sure Ed's family would have loved Jillian, because she's adorable and bubbly. But what I really wanted to know is if Ed has an adorable younger brother. And if he's single.

My future brother in law.

Wes: Watching Wes's sisters swoon over him like the Twilighters over Rob Pattinson, I kind of wanted to gag. Wes is delusional, his family is delusional, and it has worn off on Jillian. So rather than harp on a topic that's been covered, I will say this: If everyone you come in contact with can't stand to be around you, don't flatter yourself, it's probably not jealousy.

Michael: I don't want to say anything negative about the guy who had the classiest, most dignified exit from a reality show ever aired, so I'll say this to Michael's Not-Remotely-Identical Twin: Marriage is not a group sport. All the "We want to be good husbands before We are good fathers…We've always wanted to get married young" stuff was a little confusing. Does Michael want to get married young, or do you want to get married young? Not only are you not identical, but you're also not Siamese. Find your own girl.

Jesse: In keeping with his startling resemblance to Beast - in both human and beast incarnations - Jesse's brother was exactly like a character from a movie… He's that socially awkward sibling you hide except for requisite family events to keep him from making uncomfortable remarks. I mean, since when has "Have you gotten naked yet?" been an acceptable 'getting to know you' question? Think Wedding Crashers. Think the Hangover --This guy totally has a wolf pack. Whatever you do, I would think twice before marrying an apple that fell out of the same tree.

"Laurel" Speaks Out!

And it turns out she's a Bachelor whore...