Who Do You Think You Are, God?

Rotisserie Barbie (thanks, Joel McHale) really came across well last night on the "Women Tell All" episode. Not superficial or narcissistic or crazy at all. She didn't contradict herself once!

Right, and Jason didn't completely emotionally rape Jillian.

Natalie was definitely the contradictory star of the evening, and once again Chris Harrison was absolutely on fire with underhanded zingers flying at Natalie right and left. Seriously, that dude is hysterical. He says something preposterous ("Three hours of sex is a lot...") and before his interviewee can react he's moved on to the next question leaving the poor schmuck in his ironic dust.

Natalie says that she is allergic to jewelry and also that she isn't materialistic, claiming that her bracelets cost "Two dollars, a dollar, quarter machine..."

I think I must have been too obsessed with Toothy McStalker's snot face or Nikki's sideburns to really give Natalie the attention she was due back when she was on the show. I completely forgot about this sparkling nugget after her elimination:

"He's an idiot...I don't mean to sound conceited, but (bleep - what I can only imagine is "shit") I've got a lot goin' on and I'm super-attractive. You don't think you feel a connection with me? Like, who do you think you are, God?"

I absolutely love how she prefaces it by saying that she doesn't mean to sound conceited. Of course you do, sweetie! Saying you don't mean to sound conceited is quite possibly the understatement of the year, or at least the season. It's like a doctor saying, "Now, Mrs. Smith, you've arrived at the hospital too late for the epidural, but trust me, this will only hurt a little." It was also awesome when she tried to blame her bitchy attitute towards the other women on the fact that ABC took away her Blackberry (her "lifesource") and her iPod while she was living in the mansion with the other ladies. Awwww honey, I know how you feel. When I'm forced to actually interact with other human beings they realize I'm a turbo-bitch too. Sucks, doesn't it? You know what might make you feel better? A time machine so you can go back and decide NOT to sign up to be on the Bachelor, thereby exposing your flawed psyche to all of America. Either that or a personality change surgery. Take your pick.