As DC Bachelor Fan alluded to in her recent post, we here at Final Rose pretty much hate Naomi's stroke victim side-mouth-talking voice. Like, a lot. I mean, Molly's is slightly irritating and our big beef with her is that she is fake. But Naomi's voice is a whole other ballgame. We couldn't decide if her apparent speech impediment is due to an underbite, an over-sized tongue, a possible former tongue ring that she pretends she still has, or some strange combination of all of the above. However, one thing is clear, and that is that Naomi has one of the most annoying voices I have heard in a long time.
That is until some crazy bitch had eight embryos implanted in her and created a media frenzy the likes of which we haven't seen since possibly JonBenet Ramsey. You can't turn on the television or your computer without getting slapped in the face with a picture like this:
and/or seeing an interview with this head case. Her soft, scratchy, slightly lispy Angelina Jolie voice is decidedly THE most annoying thing I have heard in 2009. Naomi, you should thank this screwball for redirecting my loathing away from you and onto someone different.
Seeing as DC Bachelor Fan has made quite a dent in the Molly and Naomi-bashing, I should turn my attention to another deserving target: Melissa. Where do I start? Although this girl seems like she has good intentions, she is doubtless dumb as an effing rock and has little to no personality of her own. You know in that Julia Roberts movie Runaway Bride how they talk about the fact that she doesn't know how she likes her eggs cooked because she has just always eaten her eggs the way that her current flame eats them? That is Melissa all over.
Everything about Melissa is so generic. For one, she apparently has no relationship with her parents because they weren't willing to come on the show (understandble), but also her friends have met her parents all of once (incredibly strange). Seriously, her "friends" that she used as replacements for the missing family might as well have been androids. What girl doesn't talk about guys with her girlfriends? If Melissa isn't talking about men with these "friends," then they aren't friends at all. Melissa probably just asked some acquaintances of hers to be on the show so she could look good. "Ok, yes you guys have children, so I'll need you there to make it apparent that I am SUCH a kid person, and then you two, the cute young married couple, yes I need you there too to say in robot voices: 'Yes we love Melissa she is great we do not comprehend why she is single end transmission.'"
The sad thing about all this is that even though these signs would normally drive a sane person in real life to ABORT MISSION, they have made Melissa the front-runner on this show. No weird family to make her look bad by burrying doves or wearing strange hats. No real friends to dish on her white trash exes or actually care enough to ask the Bachelor tough questions. Nothing keeping her in place really at all. She has successfully portrayed herself as a family-less, friend-less nomad who is willing to eat her eggs any which way you tell her to and move to Seattle at the drop of a hat. Well played Melissa, well played.
Seeing as DC Bachelor Fan has made quite a dent in the Molly and Naomi-bashing, I should turn my attention to another deserving target: Melissa. Where do I start? Although this girl seems like she has good intentions, she is doubtless dumb as an effing rock and has little to no personality of her own. You know in that Julia Roberts movie Runaway Bride how they talk about the fact that she doesn't know how she likes her eggs cooked because she has just always eaten her eggs the way that her current flame eats them? That is Melissa all over.
Everything about Melissa is so generic. For one, she apparently has no relationship with her parents because they weren't willing to come on the show (understandble), but also her friends have met her parents all of once (incredibly strange). Seriously, her "friends" that she used as replacements for the missing family might as well have been androids. What girl doesn't talk about guys with her girlfriends? If Melissa isn't talking about men with these "friends," then they aren't friends at all. Melissa probably just asked some acquaintances of hers to be on the show so she could look good. "Ok, yes you guys have children, so I'll need you there to make it apparent that I am SUCH a kid person, and then you two, the cute young married couple, yes I need you there too to say in robot voices: 'Yes we love Melissa she is great we do not comprehend why she is single end transmission.'"
The sad thing about all this is that even though these signs would normally drive a sane person in real life to ABORT MISSION, they have made Melissa the front-runner on this show. No weird family to make her look bad by burrying doves or wearing strange hats. No real friends to dish on her white trash exes or actually care enough to ask the Bachelor tough questions. Nothing keeping her in place really at all. She has successfully portrayed herself as a family-less, friend-less nomad who is willing to eat her eggs any which way you tell her to and move to Seattle at the drop of a hat. Well played Melissa, well played.
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