Schadenfreude is the German word defined as: pleasure derived from another person’s misfortune. And while I am not sure that schadenfreude is quite as descriptive as “retard tingles,” it also makes a certain kind of sense for me to use it here. A lot of the time that the women were speaking this week, it was almost like they were speaking a secret language, they sounded so dumb. I felt a sense of embarrassment for them, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t deriving pleasure from their misfortune as well. I mean shit, that’s the point of this entire blog. I think it’s even ABC’s intention in airing the show at all. So it’s quite fitting that this post will focus on schadenfreude as it relates to the stupid-ass things the women said last night.
Ella describing her excitement at going on a road trip: “We’ll be rolling down the highway of love.”
I’ve seen the highway of love my friend, and trust me when I say it’s not the Pacific Coastal Highway. It’s in my boyfriend’s pants.
Gia, as she is “rushing” to get ready for her one-on-one date with Jake (i.e. agonizing for an hour over how to look casual and then choosing stilettos and a kimono as her outfit): "I’ve never gotten ready this fast in my entire life."
I would be willing to bet $100 that this statement is literally true, you self-centered New Yahk egomaniac.
Jake, describing himself in 9th grade: “They used to call me Mr. Dateless.”
This made me pause for a moment, because the reason I don’t like Jake is because of his life-sucking boring personality. It’s certainly not because of his looks; dude is pretty hot. You could take his body as the shell and insert the personality of say, Giblert Godfrey, and I’d be more interested in him than I am now. Even still, I don’t think 9th grade girls are too worried about personality when it comes to choosing which guy to spend 7 minutes in heaven with, so on top of being boring, Jake must have been hideous in 9th grade too. Poor guy.
Kathryn, in the rejection limo: "I just don’t get it."
Sure you do honey, you got it approximately 30 minutes ago as you told Jake during your alone time that you feel like he ignores you. Then he gave you some bullshit speech about getting lost in your eyes and you thought you’d go home with a rose? Get real.
As always, these were just a choice few of the quotes from the night that really made me remember why exactly it is that I watch this show. If I wrote down all of them that simultaneously made me want to hide behind a pillow yet made me thankful for my B.A. from an actual college, we’d be here all night.
I just loved this picture of Jake surrounded by the beautiful pink dining room at the Madonna Inn. Did you guys notice that this was the same inn that The Girls Next Door visited? That's right, I watched that show too. If you thought The Bachelor was the only trashy piece of television I watch, you were sorely mistaken.
Ella describing her excitement at going on a road trip: “We’ll be rolling down the highway of love.”
I’ve seen the highway of love my friend, and trust me when I say it’s not the Pacific Coastal Highway. It’s in my boyfriend’s pants.
Gia, as she is “rushing” to get ready for her one-on-one date with Jake (i.e. agonizing for an hour over how to look casual and then choosing stilettos and a kimono as her outfit): "I’ve never gotten ready this fast in my entire life."
I would be willing to bet $100 that this statement is literally true, you self-centered New Yahk egomaniac.
Jake, describing himself in 9th grade: “They used to call me Mr. Dateless.”
This made me pause for a moment, because the reason I don’t like Jake is because of his life-sucking boring personality. It’s certainly not because of his looks; dude is pretty hot. You could take his body as the shell and insert the personality of say, Giblert Godfrey, and I’d be more interested in him than I am now. Even still, I don’t think 9th grade girls are too worried about personality when it comes to choosing which guy to spend 7 minutes in heaven with, so on top of being boring, Jake must have been hideous in 9th grade too. Poor guy.
Kathryn, in the rejection limo: "I just don’t get it."
Sure you do honey, you got it approximately 30 minutes ago as you told Jake during your alone time that you feel like he ignores you. Then he gave you some bullshit speech about getting lost in your eyes and you thought you’d go home with a rose? Get real.
As always, these were just a choice few of the quotes from the night that really made me remember why exactly it is that I watch this show. If I wrote down all of them that simultaneously made me want to hide behind a pillow yet made me thankful for my B.A. from an actual college, we’d be here all night.
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