The Cutting Edge

Well ladies and... ladies, tonight we narrowed it down to the final two. Were you surprised at the outcome? I think that many of my blog ladies did not see Vienna in the final two. I say that I think and not know because I don't have confirmation. This was week TWO that Snowmagheddon kept me away from my fellow DC Bachelor Fans. Not only did it snow again tonight, but there is still snow residue, mountains, unclear roads, etc. that kept us away from each other. I can say that this is the first time I've ever watched fantasy dates alone. And it sucked.

However, the one good thing about tonight and the fact that my ladies weren't with me was that I switched back and forth between The Bach and Olympic Couples Figure Skating. Is it weird that a) I felt more love between the figure skating pairs (even when most of the men are gay) than I do between Jake and any of the remaining Bachelorettes and b) I am insanely disappointed every time I watch pairs figure skating and none of them attempt a death-defying move (aka, the Pamchenko) like Doug and Kate do in one of the best movies of all time, The Cutting Edge? I also get upset when all of the music is all classical and boring and doesn't start with car-revving engines, a la the following:



Anyway, I guess I digress but as I said, I was more consumed with my imagined love affairs between the figure skating couples than I was with the "love" going on between any of these "couples" on The Bach. Again, it goes back to my obsession with The Cutting Edge, apparently one of the greatest love stories of our time.

I don't have too much to say on tonight's episode, because as we've learned in the past (13 Bach, 5 Bach'ette) seasons, at this point in the show it all begins to sound the same. The Bach/Bach'ette can't believe he or she is falling in love with three women/men at the same time. Blah, blah, go on three romantic dates that would never be monetarily possible unless your significant other was Warren Buffet or Oprah, and fall madly in love because you are being put in a position that is so far removed from real life you might as well be... like... skating with the love of your life in the Olympics.

Things I did notice:
1) Both Tenley and Vienna have horribly fake nails. The one girl who you actually would think should have fake nails - Gia from Staten Island, I mean "Manhattan" - actually has real nails.
2) Vienna wore the same "Sears" swimsuit that we pointed out in a previous post again in this episode.
3) Despite dodging the trashy fake nails bullet, Gia has a tummy tat and so does Vienna:



At the end of this episode, the final DubTee (that's short for "White Trash," for all of you high-brows out there) tally is as follows:

Gia:
+ 1 for a tummy tat
+ 1 for posing in Maxim
+ 1 for fake boobies =
__________________
Total of 3

Tenley:
+ 1 for the fake nails
+ 1 for a divorce after one year at age 25
- 1 for the fact that she is willing to cheesy-talk Jake into an oblivion, which he likes ("You can lead me [in the dance of life] forever, you can dip me forever" =
__________________
Total of 2

Vienna:
+ 1 for fake nails
+ 1 for tummy tat
+ 1 for Sears bathing suit
+ 1 for fake boobies
+ 1 for allegedly posing topless =
__________________
Total of 5

This surely means Vienna is the worst match for Jake and, in keeping with The Bachelor tradition of men thinking with their penises and choosing the worst girl for them, surely means that Vienna will "win" the "prize" this season and end up with Jake.

Adios to Gia, and we'll see you next week for the (most boring episode of the season, but the one for which I will hopefully be reunited with my fellow DC Bachelor Fans) "The Women Tell All!"