Remember how your mom used to tell you: "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all?" Obviously your mom has never watched an episode of The Bachelor. Attempting to keep one's malicious thoughts to one's self proved humanly impossible during last night's episode. Heck, it even had our resident nice friend - HereForTheRightReasons - in on the judgy comment action. And with that, I begin what I hope will become a regular installment here at Final Rose. Introducing Catty Comments, your weekly round-up of the meanest/funniest things that slip out of our mouths while viewing The Bachelor.
Perhaps our readers (all three of you) are getting tired of posts about Nikki's sideburns. Well, too effing bad.
Is it just us, or are those mothers getting worse by the second? My fellow Bachelor Fans and I have previously wondered how much or how little help the girls get from on-set makeup or hair stylists. I think Nikki's sideburns have answered our question... um, NONE. This point was also further evidenced by Toothy McStalker's choice of frock last night which we decided she crocheted herself. Janis Joplin rolled over in her grave at that unforgivable use of afghan.
I know I am really pushing the limits of sideburn over-exposure, and I promise that this is the last one (except that I of course reserve the right to make as many sideburn-related quips as I want following the "Women Tell All" episode).
We thought that this side(burn)-by-side(burn) comparison was necessary. You don't have to be a genius to see that Nikki's are longer... and, ew, thicker... than Jason's. I wish I could have been in the rejection limo during Nikki's "I don't know how much smarter I could get; I don't know how much prettier I could get" rant with a razor, or some Nair, or a beard trimmer, or Christ maybe all of the above. I would have shown that hairy monkey EXACTLY how much prettier she could get - approximately 2 1/2 inches more pretty. Oh and do they make some sort of stick-in-the-ass removal device? I would have needed one of those on hand as well. Then I would have helped Nikki set up her eHarmony profile, complete with some sort of "my eggs are rotting" feel to it, and sent her on her merry way. She would have been engaged within the year.
Perhaps our readers (all three of you) are getting tired of posts about Nikki's sideburns. Well, too effing bad.
Is it just us, or are those mothers getting worse by the second? My fellow Bachelor Fans and I have previously wondered how much or how little help the girls get from on-set makeup or hair stylists. I think Nikki's sideburns have answered our question... um, NONE. This point was also further evidenced by Toothy McStalker's choice of frock last night which we decided she crocheted herself. Janis Joplin rolled over in her grave at that unforgivable use of afghan.
I know I am really pushing the limits of sideburn over-exposure, and I promise that this is the last one (except that I of course reserve the right to make as many sideburn-related quips as I want following the "Women Tell All" episode).
We thought that this side(burn)-by-side(burn) comparison was necessary. You don't have to be a genius to see that Nikki's are longer... and, ew, thicker... than Jason's. I wish I could have been in the rejection limo during Nikki's "I don't know how much smarter I could get; I don't know how much prettier I could get" rant with a razor, or some Nair, or a beard trimmer, or Christ maybe all of the above. I would have shown that hairy monkey EXACTLY how much prettier she could get - approximately 2 1/2 inches more pretty. Oh and do they make some sort of stick-in-the-ass removal device? I would have needed one of those on hand as well. Then I would have helped Nikki set up her eHarmony profile, complete with some sort of "my eggs are rotting" feel to it, and sent her on her merry way. She would have been engaged within the year.
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