That we here at Final Rose will suck it up on January 4th and tune in to the newest season of The Bachelor on ABC, all because we know that you, our loyal fan base, would be crushed if we didn't continue to blog about the Greatest Show of All Time.
Obviously that is a joke and anyone out there knows that the only reason we watch the show is to fulfill our weekly quotient of cattiness. It's actually great when the show is on because then I have a healthy outlet for being a bitch as opposed to getting snotty with people on the Metro or my grocery checker.
I do, however, say "suck it up" because as I am sure you are aware, we pretty much hate Jake. We have all bemoaned the fact that this is likely to be the most painful season of The Bachelor to date. In fact, I've decided that I am going to start a "retard tingles" tally to count how many times someone in the group gets so embarrassed while watching the show that they either blush, make some sort of "eek!" sound, or have to turn away from the television. Dollars to donuts the count will be in the hundreds by the middle of the season at the latest.
There is a silver lining though, despite all the anticipated cringing, sympathetic embarrassment and retard tingles. This season promises to be quite dramatic, as a teaser on The Bachelor website promises - a woman in the house is going to have a "sexual affair" with someone else in the house! Though the trailer would have you believe two chicks are gonna go at it, this article from AOL (thanks, Mom!) states that the affair is actually with one of the crew members. You know what? I have to say that I'm surprised it took this long. You put 25 slutty, idiotic yet attractive women together in a house with no access to to the outside world and shit is sure to go down. That crew member had it coming.
On top of all of that, from the brief glimpse I got from the trailers at abc.com, these girls look like they are going to be a hell of a lot of fun to talk shit about. I mean, anyone who goes on The Bachelor these days has some sort of mental disability, but these women take the cake. I am basing this assumption purely on the fact that, presumably, these women KNEW the Bachelor was going to be Jake and they signed up on purpose! In fact, I will henceforth call the Bachelorettes "Douchebagettes" in honor of their desire to end up with one of the world's biggest douches.
Some highlights from the Douchebagettes, all of whom you can check out at abc.com - there are of course the requisite:
1) Girls who are far too young to be married
2) Canadians (2 this time!)
3) NBA Dancer
4) Girl with the bitchy face - I'm looking at you, Gia
5) Flight attendant
There are also 3 girls from the Washington area, one of whom is a PILOT! OMG they must have so much in common!! Barf. So anyway, tune in on January 4th at 8/7c to see these and other morons make complete asses of themselves!!
Oh my gosh, and one last thing - this may take the cake for best title for a season ever. We all know that Andy Baldwin's season was cleverly named "The Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman," which we thought was hilarious at the time, as well as Matt Grant's season, entitled "The Bachelor: London Calling." That Chris Harrison just has a mountain of wit, doesn't he? And he really outdid himself this season with this little gem: "The Bachelor: ON THE WINGS OF LOVE." Holy shit, I can't even believe it's true, it's so good.
Obviously that is a joke and anyone out there knows that the only reason we watch the show is to fulfill our weekly quotient of cattiness. It's actually great when the show is on because then I have a healthy outlet for being a bitch as opposed to getting snotty with people on the Metro or my grocery checker.
I do, however, say "suck it up" because as I am sure you are aware, we pretty much hate Jake. We have all bemoaned the fact that this is likely to be the most painful season of The Bachelor to date. In fact, I've decided that I am going to start a "retard tingles" tally to count how many times someone in the group gets so embarrassed while watching the show that they either blush, make some sort of "eek!" sound, or have to turn away from the television. Dollars to donuts the count will be in the hundreds by the middle of the season at the latest.
There is a silver lining though, despite all the anticipated cringing, sympathetic embarrassment and retard tingles. This season promises to be quite dramatic, as a teaser on The Bachelor website promises - a woman in the house is going to have a "sexual affair" with someone else in the house! Though the trailer would have you believe two chicks are gonna go at it, this article from AOL (thanks, Mom!) states that the affair is actually with one of the crew members. You know what? I have to say that I'm surprised it took this long. You put 25 slutty, idiotic yet attractive women together in a house with no access to to the outside world and shit is sure to go down. That crew member had it coming.
On top of all of that, from the brief glimpse I got from the trailers at abc.com, these girls look like they are going to be a hell of a lot of fun to talk shit about. I mean, anyone who goes on The Bachelor these days has some sort of mental disability, but these women take the cake. I am basing this assumption purely on the fact that, presumably, these women KNEW the Bachelor was going to be Jake and they signed up on purpose! In fact, I will henceforth call the Bachelorettes "Douchebagettes" in honor of their desire to end up with one of the world's biggest douches.
Some highlights from the Douchebagettes, all of whom you can check out at abc.com - there are of course the requisite:
1) Girls who are far too young to be married
2) Canadians (2 this time!)
3) NBA Dancer
4) Girl with the bitchy face - I'm looking at you, Gia
5) Flight attendant
There are also 3 girls from the Washington area, one of whom is a PILOT! OMG they must have so much in common!! Barf. So anyway, tune in on January 4th at 8/7c to see these and other morons make complete asses of themselves!!
Oh my gosh, and one last thing - this may take the cake for best title for a season ever. We all know that Andy Baldwin's season was cleverly named "The Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman," which we thought was hilarious at the time, as well as Matt Grant's season, entitled "The Bachelor: London Calling." That Chris Harrison just has a mountain of wit, doesn't he? And he really outdid himself this season with this little gem: "The Bachelor: ON THE WINGS OF LOVE." Holy shit, I can't even believe it's true, it's so good.
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