Bachelor Firsts....

We all know that that Chris Harrison likes to narrate in superlatives, and there has been a lot of talk on this season about Bachelor Firsts. It was the "first Bachelor walk of shame," and the "first time a bachelor brought his child on set," the "first time a bachelorette picked her nose on national tv." Ok, I might have made that last one up. But, you get the point. But, are they really firsts, or is Chris Harrison pulling our leg? After all, every week can't be "the most dramatic rose ceremony ever."

Dust off those history books bachelor fans, because who remembers Amanda? I'm pretty sure that Season 1 had the first pre-fantasy suite slumber party. Didn't Amanda spend the night at the Bachelor Pad with Alex on their first one-on-one date? Maybe that's why Chris Harrison keeps clarifying that it was the first walk-o-shame "in his clothes." No matter, there is one "first" that I think deserves congratulations -- this is the first Bachelor season where the Bachelor appears somewhat self-aware.

Jason, aside from the boob staring and constant making out, actually seems to be proceeding with a level head. First, he called Natalie out for being a shallow gold digger, then cut Boobs McSideburn in a remarkable display of self restraint. Finally, he had the guts to go and cut all the crazies in a cleansing unlike any other in Bachelor History. (Yes, another B.F.). It could be that having been on the other side of things, he sees through some of the façade. That didn't seem to work for Deanna "Its All About Me" Papas last season, nor any previous Bachelors who were on the other side of the ceremonies. It could be that having children changes your priorities? For whatever reason, I say Bravo! Jason, for being the first bachelor to have a little perspective.

Catty Comments, Vol. 1

Remember how your mom used to tell you: "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all?" Obviously your mom has never watched an episode of The Bachelor. Attempting to keep one's malicious thoughts to one's self proved humanly impossible during last night's episode. Heck, it even had our resident nice friend - HereForTheRightReasons - in on the judgy comment action. And with that, I begin what I hope will become a regular installment here at Final Rose. Introducing Catty Comments, your weekly round-up of the meanest/funniest things that slip out of our mouths while viewing The Bachelor.

Perhaps our readers (all three of you) are getting tired of posts about Nikki's sideburns. Well, too effing bad.


Is it just us, or are those mothers getting worse by the second? My fellow Bachelor Fans and I have previously wondered how much or how little help the girls get from on-set makeup or hair stylists. I think Nikki's sideburns have answered our question... um, NONE. This point was also further evidenced by Toothy McStalker's choice of frock last night which we decided she crocheted herself. Janis Joplin rolled over in her grave at that unforgivable use of afghan.

I know I am really pushing the limits of sideburn over-exposure, and I promise that this is the last one (except that I of course reserve the right to make as many sideburn-related quips as I want following the "Women Tell All" episode).


We thought that this side(burn)-by-side(burn) comparison was necessary. You don't have to be a genius to see that Nikki's are longer... and, ew, thicker... than Jason's. I wish I could have been in the rejection limo during Nikki's "I don't know how much smarter I could get; I don't know how much prettier I could get" rant with a razor, or some Nair, or a beard trimmer, or Christ maybe all of the above. I would have shown that hairy monkey EXACTLY how much prettier she could get - approximately 2 1/2 inches more pretty. Oh and do they make some sort of stick-in-the-ass removal device? I would have needed one of those on hand as well. Then I would have helped Nikki set up her eHarmony profile, complete with some sort of "my eggs are rotting" feel to it, and sent her on her merry way. She would have been engaged within the year.

Another Note About Nikki

I agree DC Bachelor Fan - all those qualities notwithstanding, we'd still hate her given her sideburns rival those of Elvis (see photographic proof below). She has got to go.